I’d be out with my brother somewhere like a restaurant or a bar and sure enough, he’d have a conversation going with a pretty girl next to us.

Seemed like I could never manage to do that, and I always wondered why.

I’d scratch my head and say, he can talk to women so easily, how do I talk to women like that?

I finally figured it out: my brother was just having fun and being friendly. He didn’t have an agenda. He wasn’t trying to “pick her up” or impress her. He was just being playful and enjoying his life.

Women find playfulness and fun attractive, and they want to join in the fun.

Me, on the other hand, I’d have an agenda in my head. I’d be thinking about how to get her phone number, how to say the right things to make her like me, how to make her laugh.

Not my brother: he was at ease and that put women at ease.

When I gave up on my hidden agendas, I found that I could relax. By not being attached to trying to achieve some result, I stopped trying to measure my “success”.

It’s almost ironic or paradoxical or something like that: the less you care, the better you do. It’s not because of any kind of magic, it’s only because women – really, all people – can intuitively sense the difference between someone who’s genuinely relaxed and having fun and someone who’s trying too hard.

I was always trying too hard. Way too hard.

After I learned this lesson in my gut and not just in my head, I was out having dinner at a small burrito place near my house.

A very, very good looking woman (I later found out she was a beauty pageant winner) sat at a table in front of me.

I made some comment about her order (‘I like the chile rellenos here too’) with no agenda in mind.

Sure, she was really pretty, but instead of focusing on all this crap inside my head, I focused on having fun and being friendly.

Next thing I knew we were having a lively time together over a couple of drinks in a nearby pub.

That just goes to show you that women are much easier to talk to than you think. Let go of your objectives, stop talking to yourself, and just relax and enjoy life a little.

Women will find that – and by extension, you! – very attractive.

photo credit: JimboRocks

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